The Word Gap: The Early Years Make the Difference

When Betty Hart and Todd Risely did their groundbreaking study known as the “Thirty Million Word Gap” it made a difference not just in parenting circles but in economics and education circles as well. Intently studying the affect of vocabulary and language in the homes of 42 different families, Hart and Risely found that the words we use in the formative years of language in children directly correlated to issues of poverty for families when limiting the words used and messages conveyed to young children.

The study was rather simple: spend time in the high, middle, and low income homes of the families and gather data in the areas of speech patterns, vocabulary, and communication techniques. What they found was a word gap in the early years of talking to children that seemed to follow the children throughout school that affected their performance both during their academic years and the workforce years that followed.

When I was parenting my daughter as a single mother in the 1980s I hadn’t heard of the 30 Million Word Gap but I was, unintentionally, using best practices from what Hart and Risely learned: I spoke to my child as if she were an adult and used big words with her that probably weren’t developmentally appropriate. At the time, I just had no one else to talk with and I was studying English Literature in college so I ran my summaries of Shakespeare and Wordsworth by her even though she was just shy of 4 years of age. While she didn’t understand me she was being exposed to new words and her vocabulary was growing. Sometimes, she impressed strangers with her grasp of the language but I knew it was simply due to her mother being lonely.


If I were being completely honest I would have to admit that I raised a smart child out of sheer ignorance: I was cheating because I truly needed someone to talk to not because I set out to rear a little Einstein. While I studied in the college library she tagged along and plopped herself in front of the children’s section pretending to read. She occasionally asked me what a sound made and, because I was busy, I quickly told her things like “When you see ‘u’ and ‘e’ together at the end of a word they make the sound ‘ooo’. See how that works? Now go read by yourself.”

When I finally got to graduate school and read the 30 million word gap study I secretly rejoiced that I had done something right as a mom. Go, me! Especially since I don’t know what I’m doing with this parenting thing!  The truth is, it taught me how to communicate better with my children as they continued to grow and more kids were added to my family. Those crucial early years are why I support the efforts of Head Start and pre-K programs where children are exposed to reading and vocabulary to help make the difference when they are in their later years of school.

The Word Gap was an important part of parenting for me even if I didn’t know it. In our case, the study turned out to have some truth to it as she’s a college graduate herself who still loves to read. For us, it made all the difference.

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Too many books?

Too Many Books?

I’m not sure when the topic suddenly became important; perhaps during that Cask of Amontillado moment when my husband found himself accidentally walled into the spare room thanks to a pile of paperbacks. Elbowing his way through Heinlein and King, Larry broached the subject.

“You have too many books.”

Inwardly protesting his use of the pronoun, I marshalled my wits and summoned my most persuasive argument.


After a lengthy, rational discussion that featured minimal shouting and a limited number of expletives, it was finally decided that we should cull our substantial collection. We started with “Larry’s” bookcase.

“Okay, all of these books are good, so we can keep them.” Part one finished, he promptly turned his attention to “my” shelves. “I think we can get rid of most of these.”

“Wait a minute! I need all of these; we can’t just toss them.”

“What about this one? I haven’t seen you pick this one up in over a year.”

“You were working that day.”

“What about this one? You hate this book.”

“Yeah, well … Somebody gave me that one. If they come over and don’t see it, they might get offended.”

With an expression that might have resulted in eye sprain in a lesser man, Larry made further suggestions. I met each one with calmly deliberated rationalizations.

“It’s a first edition.”

“I’m going to read that on our next road trip.”

“I borrowed that from someone, but I don’t remember who.”

“I like the cover.”

By the time we got to the last shelf, the vein in Larry’s forehead was sticking out like a relief map. Out of the few thousand books that we actually keep in the house, we had a donation pile of … one.

“Are you sure you want to part with this one?”

“Yeah, it’s okay.”

“Positive? It doesn’t hold any fond memories of the time you were stuck in line at the Post Office, and this book saved your sanity? It doesn’t contain a descriptive phrase that you’re saving to put on a T-shirt? It’s not the perfect size to use as a paper weight in a twenty-six point five mile per hour wind?”

“No, go ahead.”


“Well …”

In the end, I summoned the courage to part with a few dozen volumes. Larry’s face lost its purple tinge, and I mentally tallied the space that was now freed up for yarn.

I wonder what will happen when we have to start on Junior’s books.

Mabel's Fables

Featured Customer of the Month:

Mabel's Fables

Today we’re looking northward for our customer of the month. Mabel’s Fables, in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, embodies everything one could hope for in an independent bookstore. They not only have a huge selection of books (In English, Italian, French, and Mandarin!), they also either sponsor or take part in many programs that make them an invaluable part of their community.

Mabel’s Fables has been “GROWING BIG readers since 1988.” To this end, they say, “Mabel’s Fables knows that loving to read and learn begins at home. Our bookstore guides you through the ages and stages of reading––to help you build strong readers––for life. The Children’s Books You Need To Know, Books Your Kids Want To Read.”

The bookstore is a drop-off location for The Children’s Book Bank, a charitable organization that provides free books and literacy support in high-need neighborhoods. They also have a holiday Book Angel program that works toward the same end. In an effort to get good books into schools, they offer a 20% off discount to schools and libraries, with 30% off bulk orders of 20 books or more. They also offer a book fair program to schools, bringing their best titles into schools for fundraising purposes. Their Mabel’s Fables Baby Basket is a popular gift for new babies (and their parents), featuring a Moses basket filled with a selection of books and music designed as a starting block for baby’s first library. The bookstore also features Sally and Erika’s Storytelling Programs for Young Children. Sally and Erika are a mother daughter team that specializes in teaching new parents how to engage their children through language and music. Their Songs, Tickles, Bounces, and Rhymes brings families together for fun and learning.

Mabel’s Fables is truly at the heart of their community in Toronto. If you are visiting our neighbor to the north, be sure and stop in and browse the bookshelves––and don’t forget to bring in any gently used children’s books you might have, to spread the love of reading even further!

Small-town libraries

Small-town Libraries: Struggles and Strengths

They occupy tiny afterthought buildings or community center closets. They are understaffed or run on an honor system. They are frequently limited in scope and run on less than shoestring budgets.

In spite of all this, they are treasured.

They are small-town libraries, the hidden jewels of literacy. Often found in rural or impoverished areas, these little libraries are in some ways far more impressive than their big-city counterparts. What they lack in grand architecture and well-funded programming, small libraries make up for with welcoming atmosphere and overall “interestingness.”

They are usually stocked by donations, which means that you’ll almost always find unique volumes, long out of print, alongside newer titles. They are frequently staffed by volunteers, which means that you’re likely to be engaged in cheery conversation with someone you only just met. They are often relegated to small spaces, reducing the chance of having to chase your kids through endless stacks of books.

The existence of small-town public libraries is a testament to the people that start them. The local community center might offer space, while citizens cull their bookshelves for donations to the nascent collection. Volunteers sit for hours at a card table “checkout desk.” Bake sales and raffles are held to raise money. With luck, a bond issue might pass that increases funding, allowing for the purchase of a plot of land on which a tiny building is erected.

The entire community turns out to celebrate their hard-earned “real” library.

A small-town library is worthy of celebration, indeed. I’ve related fairy tales to enthralled children in one town, and been invited to share birthday cupcakes with a librarian and two patrons in another. I’ve exclaimed over yellowed and crumbling maps, and offered congratulations for a newly-acquired third-hand VCR and television combo in a fledgling multimedia room.

A small-town library is a monument to the people it serves. As such, it is up to the patrons to maintain it. Donate a book, or even a buck if you can spare one. Share your time and show your support. In these ways, citizens can keep their library, and the spirit it reflects, alive.

Concord Free Public Library

Featured Library of the Month:

Concord Free Public Library

The story behind the Concord Free Public Library is as interesting as the library itself. The citizens of Concord and their guests dedicated the Concord Free Public Library on Wednesday, October 1, 1873. Located at the intersection of Main Street and Sudbury Road (the present 129 Main Street), the library was founded through the generosity and vision of William Munroe, a Concord native who made a fortune in dry goods and textiles; after retirement, he developed a desire to use his accumulated wealth to benefit the town where he had been born and raised. The library was built in Victorian Gothic architectural style, and would have seemed very exotic to the people of Concord, as the town was still a primarily agricultural town with a population of not much more than 2,500 people and a pronounced local preference for traditional New England simplicity. Realizing that the library would need to expand in the future, Munroe left provisions in his will for its eventual growth.

Concord Free Public Library

As its building has grown and evolved over the years, Concord’s library has changed in other ways, too. The collections and the staff size are now approximately twenty-five times what they were when it first opened in 1873. Separate departments have evolved to handle administration, technical services, reference services, the particular needs of the children and young people of the town, and the research demands of those who seek information on Concord history, life, landscape, literature, and people. Automation and the Web have radically changed the way the staff functions and information is accessed. And yet, even as the library has changed, there has been a continuing re-commitment to the high standards of its founder and the idealistic aims that informed its establishment. Summarized from the library website.

The Concord Free Public Library is certainly a hub and mainstay for the community of Concord. New books are added to the collection daily, and library patrons can see what new books are available on the website. They feature a monthly concert series, Music on the Lawn, which is free to all attendees. Other summer activities have included a class on origami, family films, storytimes for various ages, and singalongs.

Concord Library’s Special Collections are truly an outstanding window onto the history of Concord and the surrounding area. They include the most comprehensive archive of primary and secondary source material related to Concord history, life, landscape, literature, people, and influence from 1635 to the present day. The collection includes printed books, archival and manuscript materials, pamphlets, ephemera, broadsides, maps, photographic and pictorial holdings, municipal records, printed town reports, street directories, vital records, genealogical volumes, historic building files, works of art, artifacts, and other types of material may be all used by the researcher in the Special Collections. Much of the Special Collections is cataloged online, with records available locally through the Minuteman Library Network and internationally through OCLC/FirstSearch.

The Concord Free Public Library is definitely a great place to spend a few hours—or days—in. From New York Times bestsellers to pamphlets published in the 1800′s, the library is truly a bookworm’s dream!


Reading Instead of Tweeting: Part II

I don’t just watch trends happen in education when it comes to reading: I live them daily. In my two decades as an educator in various capacities, I have seen my share of trends come and go when it comes to instruction of reading, but there are some constants and hard data that educators and parents use to make decisions about reading. The research is telling us a number of disturbing trends about how fewer parents are reading to their children and that in the previous 30 years we’ve seen reading decline further and further amongst children.


So, when I hear things like “Kids just aren’t reading these days!” I have to stop myself from arguing against it when the research and data tells us that it’s true. Developmentally, reading is a part of what makes our imaginations blossom and our worldview expand, but I also know that there are other things capturing the attention of children.

Naturally, much of this discussion comes with advances in technology and apps that are appealing to younger and younger children. Getting my own teens to continue reading long after I stopped reading to them was a battle but we got lucky in that they found what interested them early on and it they were varied genres. Of course, I didn’t have to compete with smartphones or easily accessible apps to get my own children to read. While they were growing up the media that vied for their attention was the television or video games and even that wasn’t seen as an “addiction” like many believe it to be today.


Even as the data comes in we are learning that there are concrete reasons for encouraging reading. Readathon focused on the National Literacy Trust data to help us see the important connection that reading has with our own joy:

“The National Literacy Trust cites overwhelming evidence that literacy has a significant relationship with a person’s happiness and success. A deep engagement with storytelling and great literature link directly to emotional development in primary children, according to The Rose Review, 2008 Independent Review of the Primary School Curriculum.”

Not long ago, Time used the data from Common Sense Media to explore what that decline looks like in actual numbers. What they shared is alarming but not surprising:

The decline in reading for fun is most easily explained by technological advances (i.e., kids would rather text than read), but education could have something to do with it as well. It’s no surprise that 53% of 9-year-olds read for fun every day, but only 19% of 17-year-olds do. Yes, the teenagers have more Instagrams to post, but they also have more homework to do.

Censorship: who decides?

Readathon tells us that reading matters but that developmental growth is shaped by allowing children to choose their books:

Over 96% believe ‘reading what they want’ helps children develop. Neither the content nor its format is considered as important as it once was. Many teachers welcome anything to encourage reading, including comics (90%), DVDs (55%) and even mobile phones (32%).

All hope is not lost, however, and PBS offered Tips for Encouraging Summer Reading (as many sites do yearly) which includes providing children with plenty of books and making time for reading as a sacred activity. Book Riot also offered a less scientific study that may be considered action research in discussing why we read what we read if we’re constantly naming the classics as our favorite books. Be sure to check out The Problem with Reading for Pleasure because it challenges us to think about our recommendations to other readers:

Whenever I meet someone who says they love books, I am quick to ask them to list some of their favorite books of all time. Most are drawn from a familiar pool (The Great GatsbyTo Kill a MockingbirdCatch-22, and the like) with a couple of more idiosyncratic titles thrown in. In general, the books mentioned are well-crafted, serious works of literary art. This fact stands in stark contrast to something else I’ve been watching closely: the dominance of crime and romance on bestseller lists.

How is it that most people’s favorite books are neither crime nor romance but these are the books that people buy most often?

The data tells us that children are reading less but just as quickly as apps are introduced and discovered by kids there are ways in which staunch supporters of reading communicate to us the danger in allowing the drift from doing something parents view as fiercely important to simply letting them go with the technological flow. Looking at the data and research did for me what it always does: it made me realize how precious and sacred reading is but it also forced me to actively protect and cultivate it.

For all that research tells us then, is it any wonder that I feel immeasurable joy when I catch my students reading while walking down the hallway or listening to them discuss their favorite books or making recommendations to their friends. Even in teen speak when I hear things such as, “You, like totally, have to read this book. It’s so awesome.” I know that they must see the value, too.

What are you noticing in the reading trends with your own children? Do you agree that kids aren’t reading as much when you consider your own family’s commitment to reading? 

pedrosimoes7 via photopin cc

susivinh via photopin cc


Reading Instead of Tweeting

This month at Little Pickle Press we’re perusing a lot of data about teens and reading and what it is that dominates their time. While we know that the research doesn’t lie, it’s hard to swallow some of the research that tells us that kids and teens just aren’t reading anymore. That’s probably because we’re all readers and have cultivated a family of readers in our own homes.

Do you remember sitting in the library waiting for a book to be returned or sitting down to read a book right away? We do!


First, however, we have some questions for you! It’s our own bit of research, if you will.

Did your reading ever slow down while growing up? When did it happen?

If you had a period of time when you didn’t read as much how did you get back into it? What book brought you back?

Do you have a top 5 list of books that you often recommend to friends? (Tell us what’s on the list!)

Are your teens continuing to read or do you see slump happening?

Tomorrow, we will share some of the data and research we’re looking at as publishers who hope to keep kids reading. We can’t wait to see your answers!

ciro@tokyo via photopin cc

Green Libros

Featured B Corp of the Month:

Green Libros

Visitors to our house notice two things right off the bat: plenty of Beatles posters, and a few thousand books.

The wall-to-wall shelves in our front room house only a portion of our collection, but it’s still enough to supply a small town library. Although my husband makes cracks about “too many books,” he and I both know that we are very fortunate to have access to so much knowledge and entertainment. There are many people around the world who are not so lucky.

It’s for this very reason that Green Libros was started in Chile. Although the country’s literacy rate is impressively high at 97%, the sad fact of the matter is that less than half of the population has regular access to books. The books are either too expensive or just not available. Green Libros, one of the first social ventures in South America, seeks to remedy that situation.

Started in 2009, Green Libros has collected over 160,000 books that would otherwise be collecting dust or thrown away. They redistribute, donate, or recycle these books, raising funds for twelve non-profit partners and subtly influencing market prices (and education and equality) for the benefit of the people they seek to serve.

A Certified B Corp since 2012, Green Libros (like Little Pickle Press) works hard to “B” the change they seek.

Call for Submissions

A Call for Submissions—Will You Answer?

“Every young person develops at his or her own pace, in his or her own way.” That statement and sentiment is a tag line for promoting summer camps at the Rowe Conference and Camp Center in northern central Massachusetts. Rowe has a 90-year history of listening to, supporting, and challenging teens in ways the promote growth and friendship. That statement is also an accurate explanation for why middle grade and young adult fiction must be diverse and thoughtful. One of my daughters, Vanessa, used to be a co-director of Rowe summer camps, and her stories about working at the camp was an education for me in how true this tag line statement really is. She also taught me about the 70/30 rule after working with all ages of teens. The 70/30 rule was a revelation to me as a parent. It means that 70% of what tweens and teens think, believe, and do is never shared with parents, only 30% of who they are is revealed in conversations with parents. Of course, most parents deny that their kids follow this rule. In fact, I don’t think I have ever talked to a parent who didn’t deny that this rule was true of his or her tween or teen. As parents, none of us want to believe that this rule is true, even though it is based on actual work with these age groups, but when I thought about my own teen years, I had to admit to myself that it was probably the 90/10 rule for me. Okay, so maybe this rule was more true than any of us wanted to admit. But why does this understanding of pace and secrecy matter in YA fiction?

Because at Relish Media we want to publish storytellers who are authentically writing about the lives of tweens and teens and not projecting adult sentiments, belief systems, or adult issues onto these characters and into these stories. It also means, though, that we do want stories that express appropriate values, such as tolerance, creativity, a forgiving spirit, a willingness to be different, and ethical behavior. It also means that we want stories that contain personal themes such as teen empowerment, questions of gender, anti-princess motifs, understanding the nuances of life’s choices, providing leadership, and even showing an entrepreneurial spirit. Strong social issues such as the difference in family structures, environmental concerns, the struggles with consumerism, and multicultural and diversity issues in local communities and for international relations. We believe these stories can be entertaining and edifying and create more helpful conversations in families and classrooms. We want and need for our authors to craft stories for these readers that authentically help them understand their own selves in a way that promotes self reflection, thoughtfulness, and a consciousness pertinent to their age group and development, and also about their place in family networks, various cultures, and the global community.

We’re growing up with our readers, so don’t think you have to create a picture book if you have a novel rattling around in your brain. Little Pickle Press is seeking chapter books for 9 to 12 year olds, and middle grade novels for 10 to 14 year olds, and Relish Media is seeking manuscripts in the young adult novel category for readers ages 15 and up. We are open to the many literary vehicles employed to convey a story—contemporary fiction, historical fiction, fantasy, science fiction, and creative nonfiction.

Little Pickle Press/Relish Media is an award-winning, 21st century publisher of media, dedicated to helping parents and educators cultivate conscious, responsible children and tweens/teens by stimulating explorations of the meaningful topics of their generation through a variety of media, technologies, and techniques.

If our mission appeals to you, then we want to meet you at SCBWI. Our publisher, Rana, and Relish Media Editorial Consultant, Roy, will be in attendance. Please contact us to schedule an appointment at rana@littlepicklepress(dot) com.


Intuitive Parenting: An Interview with Deb Snyder

Deb Snyder is an inspirational speaker, a spiritual teacher, and the author of Intuitive Parenting: Listening to the Wisdom of Your HeartShe graciously sat down with us at Little Pickle Press to talk about her book, about intuitive parenting for purposeful moms and dads, and also about communicating with our children.


What are your favorite ways to communicate with children that yield a high degree of understanding?

My favorite way, of course, is energetic communication or what we call HeartGlow, when you use your natural abilities in your subtle energy system to communicate with those you love.

How does a family dynamic change when parents use intuitive parenting?

Intuitive Parenting adds to any family dynamic by providing tools and techniques to enhance your quality of living. This work and way of life is living through heart wisdom, in deep connection with the members of your family. You get closer and understand one another more or deeper, soulful levels.

Intuitive Parenting is when you are making a conscious decision to connect with your families in ways beyond conventional, limited thought.

Is intuitive parenting a lot of work or does this fit a shift in our culture of how we view raising children?

Intuitive Parenting is when you are making a conscious decision to connect with your families in ways beyond conventional, limited thought. It is a way of being and like anything worthwhile, requires dedication and expansion of traditional methods to implement. Most of us were not raised with energy in mind, even though it was always in play. This method acknowledges its presence and then utilizes our conscious awareness of it to view our family with this new high vibrational filter. Once you start seeing the magic of it in your life, you’re hooked. Anyone can do it, they simply must make the choice to open their hearts to it.

What are some of the things you do in sessions with clients?

My primary session work is with the parent in assisting them developing their own intuitive parenting abilities and seeing their households from an energetic perspective. We discuss what’s working in their life and what is not. We talk about their challenges and opportunities for change. I give my intuitive impression of what I see in their home and assist them in expanding their vision to see it for themselves and to also empower themselves to make choices in benefit of their families. I do not want anyone to become dependent on me and my intuitive abilities as it is they themselves who live their lives every day and can strengthen their own ability to communicate with their heart. In addition to private sessions, I also travel providing workshops to groups, so welcome invitations to share my work worldwide.

For those of us who don’t know, what is so powerful about energy communication?

In my home, energy communication is powerful as it is our primary form of communication with our daughter, Raegan, who is nonverbal. Families all over the world have contacted me with great appreciation of helping them unlock this natural ability within them. Children and parents of every ability level can benefit. Energy brings us a truth beyond personality and ego…a profound knowingness and connectedness to one another and the Universe as a whole. I share stories in the book of how this can even save a life, as it did with my own child. There is no limit to energy, when you combined it with great love for our children, it is indeed a force for good.


What’s next for you, Deb?

I have been spending the summer writing my next book “Ignite CALM: Achieving Bliss in Your Work”, which will be released later this Fall. In the book I share a powerful method in which people can create a life of their dreams both at work and at home. So many of us have been stuck in unfulfilling positions, feeling drained and downright unhappy due to be overworked, yet underutilized. I teach the readers how by igniting our inner fire through the CALM approach they will connect with their soul’s purpose and live the life their spirit wants to live, finding happiness and exuberance right where they are in the present moment. I look forward to sharing this with the world!

You can follow Deb on Twitter. Be sure to check out her website and look for her book coming out this Fall. Thanks for allowing us to interview you, Deb!

Operation Rainbow

Featured Young Writer of the Month:

Maya Mills

Purposeful parenting isn’t just for adults; it’s a concept that can be put into practice by any nurturing soul. The following essay is a perfect example. Please welcome our Featured Young Writer of the Month, Maya Mills.

Since I can remember, my mom has been traveling on medical trips with a volunteer team called Operation Rainbow. I used to always ask to go with her and this year I was finally old enough to join the team on a trip to Leon, Nicaragua. I knew it would be an incredible experience to have with my mom, but I decided to get my school involved as well. Together with help from our counselor, teachers, and parents, the students from Adda Clevenger School collected gently used baby blankets, toys, and crutches. Our annual Arts Festival was dedicated to fundraising for the project; students made get well cards and had a bake sale and balloon animal table. We raised over $900 to buy medicines and supplies for the patients in Nicaragua.

Operation Rainbow
My job on the medical team was to keep our patients relaxed before surgery and comfort them afterwards. Every patient who had surgery received special attention, blankets, and toys so they wouldn’t be frightened, and there were plenty of cards and blankets left for other kids in the hospital as well. I had an amazing experience working with the kids. I really got to see what volunteer work is like and how much good can be done by a small group of dedicated people.

Operation Rainbow

After returning to San Francisco, a few friends and I put together a slideshow showing the students working on the project and the effects it had on the children in Nicaragua. The students at my school, some just 5 yrs. old, were astonished at how they were each able to do something small that together could make a big impact on so many other kids. Even some of the parents said they were delighted to see their old baby blankets being used again to bring comfort to a child. I’m hopeful that our school can have a kids-helping-kids project like this every year.


Thank you for your inspiring words, Maya. I’m sure all of our readers are looking forward to hearing more from you! 

If you’d like to have a reminder of this amazing story and how little hands can do big things, consider purchasing a copy of Jack Johnson’s My Own Two Handsthe song featured in the video you’ve just seen.


Mindset: Fixed or Growth?

Mindset: Fixed or Growth?

One of the many important jobs of being a parent is teaching our kids to be successful. But does that lesson mean making sure our kids never fail? In this popular post, originally published in 2010, Chief Pickle Rana DiOrio reviews a book that may change the way you think about failure vs. success.

One of the best books I have read is Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. It is a game-changing book for parents, teachers, coaches, and managers of any kind.

What is a mindset? Dr. Dweck explains that entering a mindset is akin to entering a new world. In one world, success is about proving you’re smart, IQ matters and is immutable, failure is a setback and means you are not recognizing your potential, effort is a bad thing because it means that you’re not naturally talented. This is the world of someone who has a fixed mindset. In the other world, it’s all about developing yourself, challenging yourself to learn new things, IQ doesn’t really matter and can be improved, failure is a valuable way to learn, and effort is what makes you talented. This is the world of someone who has a growth mindset. Radically different approaches, wouldn’t you say?

The pitfalls of praise and positive labels.
 In one of the more powerful chapters of the book, Dr. Dweck explores how praise can reinforce the fixed mindset. She and her team conducted studies involving hundreds of students, mostly early adolescents. They first gave each student a set of 10 relatively difficult problems from a nonverbal IQ test. The students largely did well on these, and when they finished, Dr. Dweck’s team praised them. They praised some of the students for their ability (i.e., “Wow, you got [say] eight right. That’s a really good score. You must be smart at this.”). They praised other students for their effort (i.e., “Wow, you got [say] eight right. That’s a really good score. You must have worked really hard.”). The latter group of students was not made to feel as though they possessed special gifts; rather, they were praised for doing what is necessary to succeed. Both groups were identical at the outset, but right after the praise, they began to differ. “As we feared, the ability praise pushed students right into the fixed mindset, and they showed all the signs of it too: When we gave them a choice, they rejected a challenging new task that they could learn from. They didn’t want to do anything that could expose their flaws and call into question their talent.”

Dr. Dweck underscored another finding in her team’s study, “that was striking and depressing at the same time.” They told each student that they were going to go to other schools and that they imagined that the students in those schools would like to know about the problems. Then, they gave the students a page to write their thoughts and left a space for them to disclose the scores they had received on the problems. Stunningly, 40 percent of the ability-praised students lied about (that is, improved) their scores! Dr. Dweck observed, “In the fixed mindset, imperfections are shameful—especially if you’re talented—so they lied them away. What’s so alarming is that we took ordinary children and made them into liars, simply by telling them they were smart.”

Reorienting your messages.
 Consider adopting strategies that reinforce a growth mindset in your children and yourself. Dr. Dweck suggests that at the dinner table, ask each child (and one another):

  • What did you learn today?
  • What mistake did you make that taught you something?
  • What did you try hard at today?

Try going around the table with each question, and “discuss your own and one another’s effort, strategies, setback, and learning.” Underscore the value of constructive criticism and of having people in our lives who challenge us to grow. Furthermore, encourage your children to talk about things they have always wanted to do but were afraid to, and help them to make a plan to do it. You’ll discover that the growth mindset world is more exciting and fulfilling!

Readers, please leave us a comment about the type of mindset most common in your lives!


Kids & Screen Time

The irony that a parent would be reading this online to discuss children and screen time is not lost on me. Yet, as a mom, I understand the preciousness of time and how reading online saves some for me. I may not have to sit still at home with a magazine or book but I do have a moment to use my smart phone to access text in the form on an article that a friend may share with me. A few years ago I realized that the students at my school had never grown up in a world without smart phones and that the cell number I currently have is older than they are. (I just checked and I’ve had the same number for 15 years!)

Safe cover Capture

Little Pickle Press offers books for children on learning to be safe everywhere including screen time.

So, when it comes to screen time for children I am acutely aware as a mom whose own kids grew up in the changing landscape of the tech world. We got our first Nintendo game in 1991 when my eldest son was born and his older sister liked playing it until he got old enough to want to play games of no interest to her. We got our first home computer in 1997 and by that time all of my children were old enough to find something to occupy them if I let them have that screen time. Oh, how I wish that Cool Mom Tech was around when my children were younger to help weed out the good and the bad in terms of technology.

Mind you, parents tend to see the potential harm in too much of anything and when I realized that, if left unattended, they would play online all day. One of my earliest rules involved leaving the game consoles out at all times but turning myself into a rental center: all video games stayed in my bedroom under lock and key and if they wanted to play Mario Kart, for example, they had to check it out from me much like a library or video rental store.

What is the right amount of time, then? According to the American Academy of Pediatrics children shouldn’t exceed more than 2 hours of non-school-related screen time each day. Now, if your child is on the spectrum and part of their therapy is learning facial recognition for social purposes, that isn’t included. First, however, let’s define screen time as defined by the National Library of Medicine:

“Screen time” is a term used for activities done in front of a screen, such as watching TV, working on a computer, or playing video games. Screen time is sedentary activity, meaning you are being physically inactive while sitting down. Very little energy is used during screen time.

Much of what is written about screen time is related to physical health and the effects of sedentary actions (like increased body fat and hypertension) and that’s why I monitored it so closely while also realizing the benefits of having something in their hands like a Game Boy while I tended to other things. It’s a constant battle that parents fight that calls into question how their children are faring. If he plays a game, I can get the shopping done. But, will he ever know how to behave without having a tech distraction?

Last November Nickelodeon reported that children born after 2005 watched “an average of 35 hours of television per week”  which translates to about 5 hours each day.  While this seems to be a scary statistic, I am all the more appreciative of the purposeful parenting I also know is happening. As such, I leave you with a few helpful articles about screen time with research-based data:

Screen Time and Children

Does Too Much Screen Time Make Kids Sick

Children and TV: Limiting your child’s screen time (by the Mayo Clinic)

Study: Kids on screen time diet lost weight, performed better in school

What rules do you set for screen time in your home? How is your purposeful parenting technique helpful to your children? Give us some tips to share with parents!

Featured image photo credit courosa via photopincc

The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza

Featured Customer of the Month:

The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza

The first thing that drew my attention to The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza in Albany, NY, was their Bookaholics Bonus Card. How could someone like me, who loves books, not be intrigued by that?

It turns out that the Bookaholics Bonus Card is only one of the great things that The Book House offers its customers.

Like all indie booksellers, The Book House is more than just a place to buy books. Instead, it has a valued place in the Albany community. Summer is filled with special events designed to bring people together over a love of books and reading. In June, the store held its annual AIDS Council Sidewalk Book Sale. The Book House also has a monthly book club, in which readers gather to talk about the specific book featured that month. Even better, it is open to one and all–if you’ve read the book, you can stop in and participate! July’s featured book is Julie Orringer’s The Invisible Bridge. Read it? Why not join in?

Most exciting for us here at Little Pickle Press is that one of our amazing authors, Coleen Paratore, will be signing books and talking about her lovely new journal, Fireflies (published by LPP), on July 12 from two to four pm.

And the Bookaholics Bonus Card? The BBC is a frequent buyer program for customers of The Book House, Little Book House, and Market Block Books. Customers who spend $150 during the card’s lifetime are eligible for a $15 store credit. Sounds like a great deal for all of the bookaholics in the area!

If you are in the Albany area this summer, why not drop in at The Book House of Stuyvesant Plaza and say hello to Susan, Dan, Maggie, or one of the other helpful staff? I’m sure they’d be happy to see you, and introduce you to the great books the store has to offer.

ABA therapy

ABA Therapy:

Purposeful Parenting, Special Needs Style

Ever since Junior was diagnosed with Autism, my husband and I have gotten a lot of advice.

“Have you tried the GF/CF diet?”

“You should make him play with other kids.”

And, Lord help me,

“Just smack him a few times; he’ll learn.”

We tried the gluten-free thing for a while; the forced play and smacking (and several other suggestions) we turned down out of hand. The single best piece of advice that we received came in a text message from Dr. K., a research doctor specializing in the brain.

“Call this number.”

The number in question led us to a training program for ABA therapy, Applied Behavior Analysis. Through this program, we met Dr. Linda, Mr. Brandon, Miss Therese, and Mr. Dustin, the founding group of guides for Junior’s journey between his “world” and ours.

Junior is a beautiful little boy with a sunny disposition and an eagerness to please. In his case, Autism manifested as echolalia, social delay, and an incredible preoccupation with (and gift for) numbers. When presented with an option, he would either repeat the question to mean yes, or decline by saying all done. Stress or dismay produced shrieks and agitated hand signs. Pronouns were minimal at best; Junior’s default was she.

“Want she to do it.”

“She get some juice.”

Other children barely existed for him, except as interlopers who would disrupt his carefully arranged patterns of blocks or interrupt his counting. Numbers were the only thing that mattered; the only way to engage his attention. By the age of four, he had mastered binary code and division. Now six, he’s working on fractions and algebra.

Thanks to his therapists, he’s also learning to share his remarkable world with the people around him.

A far cry from the days of negative reinforcement, ABA is a research-based system that focuses on the positive, building rapport and self-esteem. Junior looks upon his therapists (called “providers”) as his friends. Employees of Integrated Behavioral Technologies, Inc., the providers come to our house several days a week to work with Junior one-on-one. They play basketball with him on breaks and indulge his taste for nonsense syllables. They’ve learned to use what motivates him, and to avoid what he fears.

Mostly, they try to keep up with him.

Regular team meetings are held to create and tailor programs designed to teach Junior particular skills, such as saying I don’t know instead of screaming if he’s asked a difficult question. Junior’s astonishing memory (a gift shared by neither of his parents, I assure you) allows him to memorize and implement his programs with remarkable speed; the meetings are frequent affairs.

We are among the lucky parents: Junior has no underlying health issues, he is easily motivated by success, and ABA therapy has worked wonders for all three of us. My husband and I are able to react calmly when Junior is suffering from overload, and we are able to discern the difference between escape and attention behaviors and respond accordingly. From early December, when his therapy schedule really ramped up, to just after Christmas break, the change in Junior’s skills was dramatic. Faculty and staff members at his elementary school remarked on it repeatedly.

“He looked me in the eye!”

“He knows how to sit still now!”

“He played a game with a classmate!”

“Look at this picture he colored!”

Applied Behavior Analysis is not a miracle cure, but then, Autism is not a disease. I think of Autism as a different kind of operating system; ABA, via compassionate, hardworking therapists, is providing new subroutines that give Junior a more user-friendly way to process his environment.


6 Easy Steps to Growing a Positive Parent-Child Relationship

This article is reprinted with permission from Andrea Nair

Using Attunement to Improve the Connection with Your Child

Stay Tuned

Parents can grow a strong, positive relationship with their children (which helps reduce defiance!) by continually attuning to them. This means being able to be with your children in a way that causes them to really feel understood, heard and important—that who they are, and what they do matters to you.

Children have a strong need to feel significant and to belong. When parents feed that need, children can put their energy into discovery, playing and learning instead of trying to get your attention.

A post called Children Who Shine From Within by Rachel Macy Stafford really struck a cord in me. While reading the article, I said to myself, “Wow, this mom understands attunement.”

In this piece, her daughter asked Stafford what her favorite insect is. They talked about their choices: ladybugs (mom) and firefly (daughter) and then Stafford picked up when her daughter’s tone and demeanor changed. Sensing the shift, Stafford looked into her daughter’s eyes where they exchanged a moment of understanding.

What followed was a beautiful discussion where Stafford and her daughter allowed themselves to be vulnerable and share their struggles.

Children want to open to up their parents—they want to say what hurts, what is hard, and ask for help. Some children might not appear to want this openness, but there is a drive within all of us to speak our truth. For those children who avoid connecting on this level, they likely have had experiences with adults that taught them that being open isn’t helpful. If a child tries to share but continually gets shut down, he will eventually stop trying.

Here are six ways parents can attune to their children:

Schedule uninterrupted time with your children.

Take time (hopefully each day) to be with your child without having one eye on your mobile devices, computer or TV. Get involved in what he is doing, making sure to follow his lead. This way you will get to know what is baseline is (what he is like when all is well.) You’ll also learn more about his buddies, what he likes and what’s happening in his world.

Hit the “pause” button when you see your child’s emotions changing.

You can tell when a child (and adult, too) is feeling a strong emotional surge. Often when this happens, there is some kind of physical response like looking down, a slumping of the shoulders or a change in voice. If the emotional surge is anger, the child might go into fight-or-flight (yelling, throwing, storming away). As I mentioned in this calm-down plan post, the first course of action when that happens is to try and make the shift back into our rational mind before talking: Calm first. Talk second.

When parents pause, they can take a moment to coach themselves into doing something that connects, not hurts. Take control of unhelpful self-talk like, “Not again! This kid is so freaking emotional,” and tell yourself what will help your child, “I need to help this guy back from the ‘losing it’ zone.”

If your child’s emotional response is one of fear or sadness, try telling yourself something like this, “I want to know more. Be gentle.”

Take this pause to postpone your own agenda or to-do list so you can attend to your child’s needs. If you are about to do something that really has to happen now, you can tell your child that what he is experiencing is important to you, and you’d love to come back to that right after your meeting, for example. Hopefully you’ll be able to make at least five minutes available in the moment before needing to dash away.

Ask a question that invites sharing.

Steer away from questions that result in a “yes/ no” answer and use ones that tell your child you’d like to hear what’s up. You can try, “It seems to me that you are sad—I’d love to hear more. What are you thinking about (or remembering)?”

If your child turns that offer down, you can try sharing a story of your own, as Stafford did, where you explain a similar situation from your childhood. Children will often open up when they know their parents have felt sad/ angry/ mad, too. Remember to be aware of your body language when telling your story—be soft and leave pauses in case your child wants to ask you questions.

Paraphrase; don’t invalidate, judge or criticize.

When your child does open up, make sure not to invalidate, “Oh Honey, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” or criticize, “Well, if you had spoken up then none of this would have happened.” Listen with the goal of clarification; not making him feel worse.

Ask your child what he thinks the options are to making the situation/his feelings better.

Most people don’t want others to solve their problems, but rather be an ear to hear. Help your child grow his problem-solving skills by discussing options rather than telling him what to do. You can ask questions like this, “Hmmm… OK, so what are the different choices we have to handle this?” or “What can you do to help yourself feel better?”

Learn more about being emotionally open.

If you aren’t used to talking about your own emotions, I encourage you to learn how to do this. When you are experiencing a feeling (mad, sad, glad or scared), pause to notice what is happening—be a commentator of your emotions.

The next step is to ask yourself these questions: 1) Do I need a break? 2) To try again? Or 3) Some help? Perhaps that help needs to come from another person or within yourself. What do you need to happen so your emotion feels addressed? Do you need to learn a skill, talk to someone or go for a walk to cool down?

A great book to read on this topic is DARING GREATLY by Brené Brown, PhD.

Check out more of Andrea Nair’s writing at the Yummy Mummy Club

About Andrea Nair

Andrea Nair, M.A, CCC is a psychotherapist, parenting educator, writer and mom. Her passion is to help parents thrive rather than just survive through each day. Andrea’s passion also includes live music where she is that annoying person who jumps around the entire concert.

Andrea was cruising along as a psychotherapist but when children arrived, her life suddenly felt mostly hard. In the need to find a way to change that, Andrea discovered tricks, books, parenting colleagues, advice, how to laugh again, her own good sense, and the joys of one really good glass of red wine. At YMC, Andrea will be blogging about all the things that helped her from being a scary mummy to a thriving one. BUT you won’t find any parenting judgement here! We’ve all been there and done that. Andrea has the hole her foot made in a wall to prove it. We’re in this parenting maze together.

Would you like to better connect with your kids? Andrea would love to help.

Follow Andrea on Twitter: @andreanair

Lewis & Clark Library

Featured Library of the Month:

Lewis & Clark Library

The first thing I noticed about this month’s library of the month was its name: Lewis & Clark Library. The names of these two explorers, who led their Corps of Discovery across half of the United States in search of a water passage to the Pacific, conjure up images of adventure and discovery. Perfect for a library, where we can travel to distant lands and learn about new things just by checking out a book!

The library is centered in Helena, Montana, with branches in Augusta and Lincoln, as well as a traveling bookmobile. I remember how excited I would get as a child when the bookmobile would come to town. It’s good to know that the bookmobile is alive and well and still serving such an important role in rural communities everywhere. The Lewis & Clark Library bookmobile currently has over 3500 books, DVD’s, and audiobooks available for patrons to check out.

Lewis & Clark Library

As with so many of the libraries we have looked at over the past year, this one is at the center of its community. For adults, they offer events such as Living with Antique Furniture Restoration, Author Rae Ellen Lee’s reading and book signing of “A Field Guide to Geezers,” sponsorship of a Red Cross blood drive.

Teen events include Minecraft Monday, Mystery Library Theater, and the Teen Lounge. For children, Lewis & Clark Library offers Books and Babies Monday Morning and Afternoon, Storytime on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and a day dedicated to Science Fun. At the Augusta branch, Markie Scholz of Dragons Are Too Seldom Puppet Productions put on a puppet show in June, and the bookmobile traveled to several different locations.

It’s clear to see that Lewis & Clark Library lives up to its name, providing numerous opportunities for children, teens, and adults to learn and grow in many different ways and directions. Next time you’re in Helena, drop by and see what new worlds you can discover in a book!


The Hardest Part of Parenting

This reprint from Liz Gumbinner’s blog, Mom-101, was given by the author for use in our Purposeful Parenting month. 

“I know what the hardest part of being a mom is,” Sage blurted out during dinner last night. “Oh? What’s that?”

“Well, she said, pushing her macaroni aside so she could lean forward across the table on her five-year-old elbows. “It’s when your kids grow up and then you have to give them away.”

It was hard to stifle a laugh.

I explained that mothers don’t actually give their children away–although lord knows some have considered it, oh, say at the 0-3 month month mark when an hour of uninterrupted sleep seems less likely than a Yeti in a bridal veil walking through your front door, sitting on the sofa and asking for some chamomile tea.

“In fact,” I said,” I think that while it’s a little sad when the kids leave the house, it might be one of the happiest parts of being a parent. It’s when we know we’ve done a good job raising wonderful kids that become wonderful adults, and now they are ready to go try more things on their own without us.”

“So what is the hardest thing of being a mother?” she asked.

A range of snarky answers flashed through my head, but it just didn’t seem the time.

“Knowing you might ever be hurt or sad or in pain. A mother feels all of it right along with you, maybe even worse. We’d rather take it all away from you and have it ourselves if we could. As much love that we feel, that’s how much pain we can feel too, if it’s yours. So I think that’s the hardest part of being a mother.”

“Like when I hurt my knee in the playground today!” Sage said.

“Yes. Just like that.”

We ended the night with Sage telling me she loved me infinity, and then Thalia one-upping Sage with infinity times infinity times infinity, and then Sage explaining that that’s not possible because there’s only one infinity and it’s already the biggest, and Thalia saying she really didn’t care.



Brooklyn mom of two, Liz Gumbinner, is the co-publisher and editor-in-chief of the popular websites Cool Mom Picks and Cool Mom Tech, and writes candidly and humorously about the trials of parenting on her personal blog Mom-101. Liz is often seen discussing parenting culture and trends in national publications and shows including NBC’s TODAY Show, GMA, and Martha Stewart, and has been named a top digital influencer by Forbes, Nielsen, and the NY Post, and is a recipient of the 2011 AWNY Game Changers award.

Since visits to Sarajevo in the late 90s with her mother to work with Bosnian war refugees, Liz has become an avid supporter of maternal health efforts through relationships with local organizations like Baby Buggy, and global organizations like the UN Foundation’s Shot@Life, and, with whom she traveled to Ethiopia in late 2012.


Featured B Corp of the Month: Cabot Creamery Cooperative

Cabot Creamery Cooperative, our Featured B Corp of the Month, is a dream come true for those foodies amongst us who want tasty dairy products AND a community driven cooperative. We’re featuring them today in the hopes that, as a B Corp, our readers will check them out and see the work they’re doing. Cabot Creamery is a farm family dairy cooperative with  members of the co-op residing in New England and upstate New York. Not only do they produce award-winning cheeses that are all natural, they created the World’s Best Cheddar.

For cheese lovers, this is a dream come true.


Image via Cabot Creamery

The Cabot Creamery wants their customers to know about their traditions and offer cheese making tours at Cabot but they also have stores in Waterbuy and Quechee.

Cabot’s website is quite interactive, too, for those of us who don’t live in that area. They offer a virtual tour showing what they’ve done since 1919 with the cooperative. Be sure to click on the Farmer’s Stories to read more about the families who produce the dairy products. There’s an interactive map you can access, too, in case you’re in the area and want to know exactly where your dairy is coming from when you purchase cheese products. The cooperative employs over 1,000 people who don’t only make cheese. All of their dairy products from cottage cheese to Greek-style yogurt and cream cheese are made from the milk provided by the farm families.


And since Cabot is a B Corp we know that they’re doing the best for the world and honor the values of work that is responsible for the planet. The collaboration for a collective voice of workers made them the first dairy coop to achieve B Corp status. To sustain the soil and use of natural products, Cabot Creamery launched a commitment to measure the impact on the land that begins with the cows and creameries to how the consumer can get products that are managed according the best practices.

The legacy of our farmland and our farm families depends on it. We here at Little Pickle hope that you check them out and use your dollars to support Cabot Creamery. Check them out today!

Blended families

First Friday Book Review:

I Was My Mother’s Bridesmaid: Young Adults Talk About Thriving in a Blended Family

Do you ever wish you could read your child’s or stepchild’s mind? I, and every parent I know, had this wish. We couldn’t, of course, but we got a lot closer to doing just that when Erica and Vanessa Carlisle offered us the results of their research, and their interviews with young adults who talked about growing up in blended families. When I reread this book recently, I wondered if it would feel dated since it was published 15 years ago. Surprisingly, I found that not one sentence or idea or illustration was out of date. The stories and insight that fill this book are timeless. The census numbers confirm that more and more families in America have become “blended” and that the trend continues. In 1990 that meant that one in every five children under the age of eighteen did not live in a family with both biological parents. And every decade that number has increased. Today blended families are more common than any other family structure.  As a consequence we parents need this book much more now than even when it was originally published. As the author and speaker SARK says, “This book is a wise breath of much-needed air! A tribute to the strength and imagination of changing family systems, and to the strength of love and its ability to transform conflict, direct from the hearts of two remarkable young women.”

Erica and Vanessa and their interviewees speak about everything from custody schedules to money to rivalries with stepsiblings to living with a new stranger in the house, all with humor and wisdom. In fact, I couldn’t find one pertinent subject that wasn’t addressed in some fashion. And then they circled back to talk to their interviewees about what they would say to parents who were managing blended families now and how to thrive in those challenging situations. That discussion was worth the price of the book. Above all this book is full of hope: It is hope that is tangible and real and believable. In today’s complicated and scary world it is hope that supports us and encourages us to build strong families, families of every imaginable kind. Claudia Black, another author and speaker says, “Vanessa and Erica speak eloquently about the challenges and triumphs of being members of a blended family. They will make you cry, laugh, and think—this book is invaluable for young people and adults.”

Erica Celeste Carlisle is world traveler, food lover, management consultant, and a Principal at Boston Consulting Group in San Francisco. She holds an M.B.A. from M.I.T., a Ph.D. from Princeton, and a B.A. from Reed College. She lives in the Bay Area with her husband, Gabriel, who is an associate professor in Political Science at U.C. Berkeley.

Vanessa Dawn Carlisle is an anti-racist, anti-state activist, writer, teacher, performer, and glutton for discovery. She is also a PhD candidate in Literature and Creative Writing at U.S.C, and holds an M.F.A. from Emerson College and a B.A. from Reed College. She lives in San Francisco and Los Angeles with friends and co-activists.

Diverse books, LPP style.

We Still Need Diverse Books

It’s been a very enlightening month here at Little Pickle Press; the search for diverse books has yielded exciting ideas, new reading lists, and tough questions. Here are just a few of the highlights:

The Diversity Question, by Roy M. Carlisle

“I think the real issues around diversity are subject to what is being taught in schools and what kind of literature our children will read and absorb (I am a new grandfather of twin girls so this subject is now hovering on the horizon for me). The relationship between society, education, and publishing is a very complex one that is affected by federal mandates, historical precedents, library priorities, and state machinations.”

The Magic Poof, by Stephen Hodges

“What my wife, and many others told me is this: It’s ok to create a diverse character, as long as you acknowledge that their diversity is an element of who they are and what their experience is. It doesn’t have to define everything about them, but you can’t ignore it either. If you strike this balance, and you truly love your characters, you will convince others that they are worthy of being loved as well.”

The Magic Poof, a spokesman for diversity!


In Search of Diverse Books, an LPP staff compilation

“Many independent publishers are stepping up to fill a void that is becoming more and more obvious to readers everywhere. We asked some of our fellow Pickles to tell us about their favorite diverse books, and they offered up some fine suggestions.”

Featured Young Writer of the Month, Sachi Parikh

“There were no books that I found that had an Indian girl as a normal main character; not during some war, or explaining about treating people the right way. This made me feel alien, even though there are a number of Indians in San Jose.”

Although the month is over, the search for diverse books goes on. Tools such as the Twitter hashtag #WeNeedDiverseBooks will not only lead you to titles, they’ll send a powerful message to publishers. We may not all be the same, but we can work together as one. Please share your stories of the search for diverse books in the comment section; we love to hear from you!